This week had been a rough one. A lot of working, stressing about school and how I was going to pay for everything I need. Everyday I came home from work and did the usual routine, change to sweats and turn on the Netflix. I read, I nap, I try to figure out school stuff. That's all I did. However, no matter what I did I always felt a hole inside of me. An emptiness, and I felt all alone. I would lay in bed at night and feel as though I had not accomplished anything that day. And would desperately look forward to Sundays were I was forced to be with people at church. I would pray daily for the courage to meet new people. By Saturday I was burnt out, and ready to just sleep all my Sunday away. Today I woke up, I got ready, I went to church. Church is always good, always helps me to recharge and prepare myself for another week. But today was a little different. I sat in relief society, I had done the normal mingling, I had volunteered to help in lessons, and linger longer was soon, and I was ready for free food. The lesson got over early, and I just thought it was another bonus, until our relief society president invited a visiting sister from the Stake Relief Society to bear her testimony. This is how she started, "I need you all to know two things. 1. You matter 2. You are loved." At that moment I felt as though I was the only person in the room, and she was talking just to me. My desperate pleas for friends, excitement, and just to not feel alone vanished in a second. She continued to talk about how everything Christ did was so I could come here, and He could help me through the ups and downs of life. She talked about how much we matter to Him. It flashed through my mind that as Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane, He didn't just feel a bunch of pain, anguish, sorrow, happiness, stress and then it was over. He went through all of those for each person individually. Christ knelt in that garden, and for a while- I was all that He focused on. I mattered. He loved me so much that He wanted to create a way to have to not walk all those ups and downs of life alone. He loved each of us so much to do that for all of us.
Elder Utchdorf said "You are not alone on this journey. Your Heavenly Father knows you. Even when no one else hears you, He hears you. When you rejoice in righteousness, He rejoices with you. When you are beset with trial, He grieves with you.
Heavenly Father’s interest in you does not depend on how rich or beautiful or healthy or smart you are. He sees you not as the world sees you; He sees who you really are. He looks on your heart.5 And He loves you6 because you are His child.
Dear sisters, seek Him earnestly, and you will find Him.7
I promise you, you are not alone".
It was when I sought out this quote that I realized the only reason I felt so alone, and empty, was because I chose to be that way. I had scriptures I could have studied to find out how much I matter to my Heavenly Father. I had prayer that could have helped me recognize how close the Lord is. I had the temple I could have gone to to be able to feel the spirit, and recognize how much meaning is in my life. I had family that could help me the things I have been blessed with in this life. And I turned down many opportunities to meet new people because I was afraid of rejection, or being the outcast. Truth is, none of us are outcasts. None of us are ever rejected. None of us are ever alone. Because we have a Father, a Heavenly Father and His son that love me forever, and always no matter what.
My dear friends, we are not alone. And we should be so grateful that we are not.
You matter. You are loved.
