Lately, I have been pondering on a lot of things. A lot of big decisions are a head of me- and its easy to get caught up in your thoughts. One day, as I sat thinking about EVERYTHING I became scared, and even began to panic. It was then that I finally admitted to myself that this fear was my biggest weakness. Fear of not doing the right thing. Fear of breaking someones heart. Fear of breaking my own heart. Fear that I would be rejected. Fear that I would be alone. Fear of making the right career choice. Fear of taking the right job. Fear that I was taking the wrong path in my life. Fear, fear, fear, FEAR. So, I stayed that way. For the next couple days, I let myself sit and wade in all my fears. I let them overcome me, so much so that I wasn't even acting like myself. I was letting fear run my life, and in so doing, I wasn't progressing toward anything at all. It was one night why I sat awake in my room thinking about all I should or shouldn't do that I finally decided to turn to the most important thing. The scriptures. I just held them in my hand for a minute, and then opened to the chapter I knew would help. Ether 12.
vs 27: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
This is way easier said then done. I don't think it is always easy to admit that we have a weakness, or even more hard to admit that we need help to strengthen ourselves from it. I laughed out loud thinking 'how in the world can I turn fear of EVERYTHING into a strength.' For then next couple days my thoughts were a little different. I would start to be fearful and as I would catch myself I would think how can I overcome this. I became easily frustrated thinking that there was no solid solution to my fear, or my weakness.
You know when you're laying in bed at night and random things pop into your head? Like a song, or a phrase? Well as I sat on night trying to sleep this came to my mind 'fear is the opposite of faith'. Now, I know I've heard that before- but I don't think I ever took it to heart. I started tracing my thoughts. My fear of not doing the right thing could be overcome by faith that I was being led by Christ. My fear of breaking someones heart or my own heart could be overcome by my faith that revelation I had received was in fact from Heavenly Father- and there to help me be better not hurt anybody. My fear of being rejected was overcome by faith that I was doing what I needed to to become like Christ. It didn't matter what everyone else thought as long as Christ approved of what I was doing. Faith, or more importantly Faith in Christ, could triumph over all fear- IF we let it.
I turned to the handy dandy Preach my Gospel and in it, it says: "Faith is a principle of power. God works by power, but His power is usually exercised in response to faith. He works according to the faith of His children. Doubt and FEAR are opposed to faith."
Here I had been for weeks, months, letting my self wade in this everlasting misery of fear of everything. When all I needed to do was exactly what that verse in Ether told me to. Humble myself before the Lord, and have FAITH in Him. I read that verse now and think how silly of me not to have noticed that the first time I had read through it. So, now recognizing all of this I have a new method to my fear. I won't say that I don't still fear a lot of things. Life is scary, and so is growing up. It comes with a lot of choices, and life changing decisions. But Christ, through His love and atonement, made it possible to have a helping hand through the whole thing. And not only that, but if we made a mistake, He was there to help us overcome it- as long as we turned to Him. I had sat miserable for a long time while He stretched His hand continually toward me- He was just waiting for me to grab a hold. Now instead of being sucked in to a whirlwind of fear in my own brain, I sit, I ponder, I write, I pray and figure out how to strengthen my faith in whatever the fear my be. I may not be perfect, and i'm not saying that this is my only weakness (because trust me, its not), but this is how we progress in the Eternal perspective. One step at a time. After all, nobody becomes perfect in a day.
