Fight for the Future

On the mission, your focus was always on the same thing: sharing the gospel. I knew why I was there, and I did my best to fulfill my missionary purpose. I studied the gospel, I taught the gospel, I relied on the Lord to help me go where I needed to and say what I needed to say. It wasn't easy, but at least it had my full attention. Then I came home and it was like my attention was pulled in a million different ways. School, dating, work, car, money, family, friends, church, media all come slamming at you like a whirlwind. That's when I had to have an intervention with my own mind.
I sat down and asked myself what I wanted in life. I want to be a wife and a mother who has an unwavering testimony. One who strove to follow her dreams in career and spiritual adventures. I wanted to know that I was a daughter of God, and I wanted to be an example as such. While written down on paper the list seems so easy... its not. Which is more important, school or work? Which should come first, family or friends? Then I asked well if I want to pursue my career and get a car I need money- so shouldn't that trump everything? Should I sacrifice relationships, religion, and activities just to get a step closer to a better future? The answer to these questions for yourself may be easy, but as my mind became an even bigger whirlwind these questions seemed completely valid and things that seriously needed to be determined. Then I paused. Why am I here?
Well, I have a Heavenly Father that wanted me to become like Him. He sent His son here so that I could have a choice  of what to do in life. And so that I could be forgiven of the mistakes I make. I have family, friends, dreams, hopes, and ambition because of the blessing of being able to come to earth. If this is so (and this is what I believe to be so) then I should put this loving Heavenly Father above anything, because without Him I would have nothing. So, that is what I did. I kept my daily habits that formed on my mission of daily study, prayer, and faithfully following Him everyday. I made sure to counsel with Him in all my decisions. I put Him first. As I did so, miracles happened. I was blessed with a car for a great deal- from a friend who didn't know how desperate I was. I was blessed with not only one job, but three. I was able to figure out WHAT I wanted to do with my future. And I'll be honest, since then I've been on more dates since I've been home than I have in my whole life pre-mission. I was able to strengthen some relationships with my family members. I was blessed.
Don't get me wrong, I've still made mistakes of placing worldly things before the spiritual. But I try my very best to understand my purpose here. I want to become the person my Father wants me to become. And I will fight for that. Yes, I'm poor, I have no idea how soon I can go back to school due to that fact (hoping for fall), I've had to move out of my parents home, and I still fight with my weaknesses. I doubt my choices, and go to the what ifs of the past. Everyday is a fight. But if I keep my eye on the eternal perspective I know that this fight for the future is worth it. And so, I will fight.